How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Do you feel like you have been at the same-ish income forever? Have you built on your existing skills and learned new ones, yet your earning level has been more or less the same? 

If you answered, YES to the above questions, you might be plagued by the soul sucking money block of people pleasing. 

In this blog post I will share my crippling experience with pleasing people, and, more importantly, three ways to set yourself free. 

So, here’s my story…

On January 1st of 2021, I came out of my office oozing with jealousy.

I was jealous because my client was rapidly heading towards becoming a multimillionaire.

Usually this puts rainbows in my heart, so why the envy you ask?

The answer to that burning question is that this particular client and I had started with the same net worth. 

We were living similar lives. 

The only difference is that she had a coach, and I did not.

Instantly, I started researching wealth coaches. 

I found Amanda Frances. 

She used the F word a lot, which was not really aligned with my style, but she understood the energy of money.

I checked out her coaching options.

Her one-on-one coaching was $125K for 6 months!

I was shocked. Is this really possible? Do people really pay her this? 

Just the idea that she printed that price tag on her website blew my mind. 

So, I continued my search.

Amanda Frances’s rates were the highest.

And, of all the comparable options, mine were the lowest. 

It was a painful observation, but it didn’t quite click. 

The information essentially went in one ear, and out the other. 

I continued with my original intention and finally settled on  a coach. 

Her private coaching sessions were $7,500 a month. 

So, I went with the group coaching for $2,500 a month. 

She had us write a social media post for her to critique. 

She read mine, and said, “You have no confidence and you are giving your services away for free.”

She was saying the same thing my research was saying, but my mind was having a hard time “believing” that it was true. 

I couldn’t sleep for a week.

I was anxious. 

This idea messed with my mindset. I didn’t know what to believe.

I needed more proof! 

I needed a way to measure if increasing my fees would still provide value for my clients. 

Lucky for me, assessing value for money is my forte. 

I knew that on a large scale, there were two main benefits for my service.

 An emotional return i.e.: You don’t have financial stress; you are no longer constantly fighting with your spouse about money.

And a financial return: Did the client reach their goals? Did their net worth increase? 

I went over twelve years of data.

90 percent of all my clients had achieved their goals. 

The average client saw an increase in net worth of $105,000 a year. 

Armed with this information, I decided to start charging new clients my new rate.

Within a week, I had signed a new client.

But, it was still hard for me to contemplate changing my current clients, my increased rates.

I felt guilty about asking them to pay more.

It took a lot of soul searching to get to the bottom of that guilt and ‘why’ I felt it in the first place.

In the end, I realized that I was afraid of being rejected, and making people angry. 

To become more successful, I would have to give up my security blanket: people pleasing.

The most important question is what finally pushed me over the edge?

 The truth.

You can’t lead people to do the hard things, if you aren’t willing to do those hard things yourself.

This experience exposed an eternal truth. The largest limits we face in life are not from outside forces, but the limits of our own mind. The limits we put on ourselves.

Key takeaways

1. Pick a mantra to comfort yourself

To live at your highest potential, you are going to have to displease others. If you have been plagued by people pleasing this is going to feel like death or probably worse. In these times, it is helpful to remember that these feelings will pass. During the process I picked a mantra to soothe myself: I am safe. I repeated it to myself over and over. 

2. Data gives you courage. Know if you are undervaluing your skills.

I used to think “nobody did what I did.” So, I never researched comparable rates. I give investment advice, financial planning advice, and coached clients. If you offer multiple services, separate them and look for comparable rates to value them individually.

3. Don’t go it alone. 

If you want to achieve your dreams faster, find someone who can illuminate the way. A coach, a mentor, a teacher. I’m an introvert and had tons of limiting beliefs about money like,

“I can’t afford to hire a coach.“ Years passed and it eventually became obvious that I could in fact afford a coach, and still was not doing it. It took me this long process to realize that it was never really about the money. The process was just outside my comfort zone and I had to push myself to achieve results. If you want to go to the next level, you have to find someone to take you there.

If you want to get the American Dream or become Independently  wealthy, and would like someone to show you the way check out my private wealth coaching.